Talking without Turning Off

I couldn’t take notes fast enough. Craig Hill’s dynamic presentation, “Supernatural Relationships” was  burning up my CD player.

Wowsers! —Was I ever convicted!

I figure if I can relate, so can you.

My hubby and I don’t always communicate well. Same with my kids. We need help.  Here’s what I’ve learned  from “Supernatural Relationships” (In simple terms cause I’m not too bright!) :

(If you’d like more info on this, trot on over and check out Craig Hill’s resources at     I highly recommend them!)

Heartfelt Communication

There are two levels to communication:

The Topical Level covers what we talk about on the surface: Kids, weather, cleaning, bills, work, even fun stuff like vacations.  Most conversations are topical, especially in marriage.

2. Relational

Watch out folks!  The Relational Level covers talk which touches us below our surface, deeper down where emotions lie. When we’re talkin topics, our tone, body language, and often even our words are speaking directly to the heart or relational level of our listeners.

The best way to explain this is by a simple example:

Let’s take a drive and break down our talk:

Who’s talking:   Husband and Wife
Topic:                   Driving 
Comment :        “You’re driving too fast.”

Now, regardless of who says this, the topical message is clear: car speed.

The relational message is deeper,  however, buried under the surface of the words.

Depending on the receiver, the “heart” or relational message might be something like this: “You’re not competent. I don’t trust you.”

OK…now…add in tone and body language, which are 55% of  communication and you may have one insulted spouse.

I’m thinking about this.

My arm folding,  voice elevated, annoyed vocal barking sometimes blasts,  “loser” to people who cross my path. YIKES! I need some help, God.

I may mess up with my words and body language, BUT, I really DO WANT  my husband (and kids!) to understand my feelings from a deeper, relational level.  I WANT TO COMMUNICATE:

I love you. I appreciate you. 

The key to heartfelt communication, according to Hill,  is to understand what your words may be  communicating to the heart of your listener.

I think I need help remembering this stuff.  

Craig suggests a good reminder is to drop your eyes down to your listener’s heart before you speak.

Look at the heart.

That’s where your words are falling. 


It’s OK to communicate on a topical level, but don’t forget to add reassuring “heart talk” for balance.

Watch your tone and watch your body language!

And, for heaven’s sake:  

Stop complaining!


7 thoughts on “Talking without Turning Off

  1. Informative message. Even though we all whinge sometimes it doesn’t usually change things. Using effective body language, tone of voice and what you say does. It’s important to look at the whole picture when we communicate.
    I really love the bible verse.. Yes! We need to build each other up… always😃
    Thanks for this great message x


Leave a Reply to Laurie Meek Watkins Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s