The guy in the car next to me was staring. The light hadn’t turned green yet. I suddenly realized he noticed me talking….yelling really. There was no one else in my car.
The stoplight was a prayer stop. Actually, any driving brings out the prayer in me. Other drivers think I am insane. I was yelling at God at the stoplight. It’s OK, God is the God of all the universe, and He can take my little outbursts.
“I’m so messed up!” I yelled as I gripped the steering wheel. “Oh, God, please tell me what to do. Brad frustrates me so much. But I know it’s my problem. Help me figure this out.”
The light turned green. I could see from the corner of my eye – my neighboring driver made a point not to look my way. Oh, well.
Last week we talked about the power of “ducking” low enough to let God get to our husbands (or our children…or our friends…or our church family…or our co-workers…Am I sensing a pattern here???)
We “Type A’s” are always in the “fix it” mode. Unfortunately, this includes our approach to people. Husbands can be our biggest project.
The only thing I need to “fix” is myself, and I need God’s help to do this. That’s where the car prayer comes in. Prayer can happen anywhere, really. The car is a nice private place (just be sure the windows are closed and you are paying attention).
I have a friend who told me she prayed in the shower when her husband left her for another woman. With kids in the house and tension tearing her apart, she escaped at nap time and washed her woes and agony away in the shower water.
God gives answers in the most unlikely places. My friend prayed for her husband. She prayed God would touch his heart. She screamed her dismay about the situation. God washed her with peace.
In Chapter 3 of Lisa Terkeurst’s wonderful little book, “Capture His Heart,” she talks about prayer in a troubled marriage:
“I had been praying. Hadn’t God heard my cries of all that needed to be fixed with my husband? …I kept waiting for a lightning bolt from heaven to hit him and show him the error of his ways. I’m sure he was waiting for the same for me.”
Lisa goes on to say something new began to happen as her prayer shifted focus.
“I thought God would “fix” him (my husband) but instead God changed my heart. Now, when I’m praying for my marriage, more times than not I’m praying for God to give me the right heart attitude and the ability to respect my husband no matter what.”
I want to tell you a secret. Come closer now: We all carry baggage in our lives. The problem with most marriages is we drag those bags down the aisle and dump them on our spouse. Prayer should be our dumping ground, not our husbands.
Praying for your husband (or anyone, for that matter) is another powerful move for us women who think we have to be in charge of everything. (That’s my Type A tendency.) It’s like taking control by giving control to the biggest power source in your life: Jesus.
Give your baggage to God — all those childhood hurts — all those tears — all that yearning for affection and affirmation. Give your baggage to God, not your husband.
If you really get a handle on this – you might try praying with your husband.
I know. I know. My prayers with my husband often consist of me plopping down next to his semi-sleeping body in the morning and uttering, “God – you know what we need. Help us and use us today.”
“Amen.” I hear a muffled voice speaking into the pillow. If your husband doesn’t feel comfortable praying out loud, Terkeurst suggests you ask if you can just sit silently and pray together. These prayer beginnings can be awkward. Hang in there…and pray.
One last and very important point Lisa Terkeurst makes in her book is about the myth of “soulmates.” I want to talk more about this later, but let’s close with her thoughts:
Everyone seems to be looking for a soulmate. I’ve heard of many couples splitting up because they’ve decided to go out and find their soulmate. My friend, praying together as a couple will transform your relationship and make the two of you true “soulmates.”
I will talk more about the bogus “soulmate” myth later. But for right now…let’s duck low enough for God to get to our husbands and let’s drop our baggage at the feet of our Savior.
Who you gonna call? Jesus.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” — With love from Jesus in Matthew 11:28,29
Confessions of a Type A Woman 